All of This and Nothing

Walking back from the Balboa is never fun. Walking across the mile long town of Isla Vista back can be treacherous. It was especially bad because I was running off of about six hours of sleep on a hard living room floor. Saturday night was the enemy that caused the consequences of a dismal Sunday morning. In a flurry of anticipation, Tayler and I hopped on our bikes and made our way to the local liquor store. There our friend bought us a handle of vodka--the drink of all girly girls. Coming back wind-blown but successful, the pre-game was ready to begin. Marge, Irene, Caitie, Tayler and I downed a few shots, while listening to some Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, some even more generic girl shenanigans. Once comfortably buzzed, we headed out on our walk to Isla Vista, local party town. Walking down the dorm stairs went by much faster and was more fun than usual as I boldly hopped over several at a time. The trek was also at a quick pace as we neared Del Playa Drive, the focal party street of IV. First stop, a techno party. Scoping it out we realized, that none of the ten people were dancing. We quickly exited the party, but on DP we didn't have to look far to find a different party. A few houses down we hear loud music and see people moving around. Boldly we push open the gate and head inside. Same situation though, no one is really dancing. Oh well, our five semi-drunk selves have no problem making fools of ourselves as we start dancing with each other. About 15-20 minutes later when the rest of the party catches up with our inebriation, everyone is dancing, but as what usually happens with time I have sobered up a bit. Heading over to the keg I grabbed a cup and rinse it out. Once filled I make my way back and share with Irene, the other girls are dancing with guys and don't really care for natty light. After an hour of dancing, and realizing the keg is tapped, we leave. Hungrily we make our way to the pizza place and gobble down the pizza Marge paid for. My silly drunk self wants to see Zach, who is Caitie's friend, but it works out because Caitie is dating Nathan who happens to live at the Balboa with Zach. Our group splits. Caitie and I, in our condition are immaturely writing 69 and 420 and such on the moisture on car windows. A cop swerves up. OH SHIT! All he says though is "That's not nice. Stop doing that." We stop and he drives off. Giddy from that encounter I see a shopping cart. Caitie jumps in and I push her 3 yards until I get tired and scared that another cop might find us. We punch the two soft trees outside the Balboa and then head inside.

The scene is pretty dull, the usual kings cup is spread around the table, and the regulars are there. Zach, Will, Jedi, Nathan and Brian who all live there are present, as are two girls and two guys that are visiting from Victorville and Jedi's friend Kat and her roommate. Caitie and I hang around, and she is ecstatic to see Nathan, who has only been back a day. After a while Caitie and Nathan depart to the bedroom, and I make an effort to start up a conversation with Zach. It kind of works, but that boy, as with most others confuses the hell out of me. Eventually Zach, his friend, Charlotte (one of the visiting girls) and I start passing around a ball like 3rd graders. Some time passes, then everyone goes quiet and I realize that something is different. Most people have already left, and I see Charlotte and Zach leaving with each other. Surprised but at the same time expecting it I watch them depart. Thinking back from that point on the rest of the night, I did notice them flirting and an attraction between them. Now I really want to leave, but it's 3 am. Since Caitie is MIA I stay. Then I sleep, but not very well. It's not so much that I'm upset that he doesn't like me, I'm just sort of upset that I didn't know better. With Zach, I was getting so many mixed signals that I just wanted to know if he liked me or not. It's hard for me to admit, but yes I did like him.

It's 10:30 on Sunday. Caitie wakes me up. I pull on my boots and shove my arms into my jacket and we begin the walk back from the Balboa. I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems so I keep them deep inside pushing them to the back of my mind. Finally we're back. I jump in the shower and put on some clothes. Later on Marge and I decide to lay out in the sun and do some work. I tell her and she doesn't try to give advice, she just listens, and with that I have some closure. I call my best friend Amanda and tell her. Then later on, Marge and I eat dinner with Bouman, a tall lanky guy with a misplaced deep voice. Joking around we talk about things like metabolism, family dinners and football. Afterward, Marge and I jet off to indoor soccer, we lost. Then I realize, I want to exercise more and eat healthy and just love and treat myself right, to create inner happiness first.