All of This and Nothing

Walking back from the Balboa is never fun. Walking across the mile long town of Isla Vista back can be treacherous. It was especially bad because I was running off of about six hours of sleep on a hard living room floor. Saturday night was the enemy that caused the consequences of a dismal Sunday morning. In a flurry of anticipation, Tayler and I hopped on our bikes and made our way to the local liquor store. There our friend bought us a handle of vodka--the drink of all girly girls. Coming back wind-blown but successful, the pre-game was ready to begin. Marge, Irene, Caitie, Tayler and I downed a few shots, while listening to some Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, some even more generic girl shenanigans. Once comfortably buzzed, we headed out on our walk to Isla Vista, local party town. Walking down the dorm stairs went by much faster and was more fun than usual as I boldly hopped over several at a time. The trek was also at a quick pace as we neared Del Playa Drive, the focal party street of IV. First stop, a techno party. Scoping it out we realized, that none of the ten people were dancing. We quickly exited the party, but on DP we didn't have to look far to find a different party. A few houses down we hear loud music and see people moving around. Boldly we push open the gate and head inside. Same situation though, no one is really dancing. Oh well, our five semi-drunk selves have no problem making fools of ourselves as we start dancing with each other. About 15-20 minutes later when the rest of the party catches up with our inebriation, everyone is dancing, but as what usually happens with time I have sobered up a bit. Heading over to the keg I grabbed a cup and rinse it out. Once filled I make my way back and share with Irene, the other girls are dancing with guys and don't really care for natty light. After an hour of dancing, and realizing the keg is tapped, we leave. Hungrily we make our way to the pizza place and gobble down the pizza Marge paid for. My silly drunk self wants to see Zach, who is Caitie's friend, but it works out because Caitie is dating Nathan who happens to live at the Balboa with Zach. Our group splits. Caitie and I, in our condition are immaturely writing 69 and 420 and such on the moisture on car windows. A cop swerves up. OH SHIT! All he says though is "That's not nice. Stop doing that." We stop and he drives off. Giddy from that encounter I see a shopping cart. Caitie jumps in and I push her 3 yards until I get tired and scared that another cop might find us. We punch the two soft trees outside the Balboa and then head inside.

The scene is pretty dull, the usual kings cup is spread around the table, and the regulars are there. Zach, Will, Jedi, Nathan and Brian who all live there are present, as are two girls and two guys that are visiting from Victorville and Jedi's friend Kat and her roommate. Caitie and I hang around, and she is ecstatic to see Nathan, who has only been back a day. After a while Caitie and Nathan depart to the bedroom, and I make an effort to start up a conversation with Zach. It kind of works, but that boy, as with most others confuses the hell out of me. Eventually Zach, his friend, Charlotte (one of the visiting girls) and I start passing around a ball like 3rd graders. Some time passes, then everyone goes quiet and I realize that something is different. Most people have already left, and I see Charlotte and Zach leaving with each other. Surprised but at the same time expecting it I watch them depart. Thinking back from that point on the rest of the night, I did notice them flirting and an attraction between them. Now I really want to leave, but it's 3 am. Since Caitie is MIA I stay. Then I sleep, but not very well. It's not so much that I'm upset that he doesn't like me, I'm just sort of upset that I didn't know better. With Zach, I was getting so many mixed signals that I just wanted to know if he liked me or not. It's hard for me to admit, but yes I did like him.

It's 10:30 on Sunday. Caitie wakes me up. I pull on my boots and shove my arms into my jacket and we begin the walk back from the Balboa. I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems so I keep them deep inside pushing them to the back of my mind. Finally we're back. I jump in the shower and put on some clothes. Later on Marge and I decide to lay out in the sun and do some work. I tell her and she doesn't try to give advice, she just listens, and with that I have some closure. I call my best friend Amanda and tell her. Then later on, Marge and I eat dinner with Bouman, a tall lanky guy with a misplaced deep voice. Joking around we talk about things like metabolism, family dinners and football. Afterward, Marge and I jet off to indoor soccer, we lost. Then I realize, I want to exercise more and eat healthy and just love and treat myself right, to create inner happiness first.

This is Temporary

Puddles are not my strength. Especially when walking a bike, talking and holding a cup of coffee in hand. Actually multi-tasking is not my strength, but at a snail's pace, Irene and I made it to our History of Renaissance art class. Sitting in the dark, oversized Campbell Hall, I didn't have to struggle to stay awake and pay attention. Thank you caffeine. After about 15 minutes, a girl dressed in a white vest and scarf, due to the treacherous drizzle here in Southern California, came and sat down next to a boy, who was taking notes on a laptop, directly two rows in front of us. Some more time passed by, and the girl keeps leaning her head on the boy's shoulder and kissing his neck occasionally, and I now gather that he must be her boyfriend. Dane Cook is right when he talks about how when people are in a relationship, you want to be in one too. Plus watching them was more interesting, although more saddening than learning about the Birth of Venus. Afterward, I raced on over to Hatlen Theater to go to my history and appreciation of dance class. Stepping inside yet another dark place of learning, I take an empty seat along the aisle, oh how I love quick exits. Soon Jillian and Danielle come and we have some awkward small talk, like with friends who you still don't know well enough to joke with. The teaching commences, a long dreary hour of slides and notes and slides and notes passes, and then finally video time! By now it is noon and my body is alerting me of hunger, by a small pain in my stomach, to solve this problem, I reach into my backpack to get the pretzels from my brown-bagged lunch from the dining commons, Ortega. Lo and behold, the inside of my backpack is moist and sticky, due to the blasted fruit salad of the day that decided to spill. Bummed, I grab the pretzels and try to pay attention to a video of choir boys dancing, and all I can think about is catholic clergymen fondling them. More slides. Then, class ends 15 minutes early! I jump on my bike and start cycling towards the science buildings, only to be slowed by a group of three that must bike rigth next to each other and take up the whole path. It's okay though, I have time before my chemistry lab starts. Finally reaching my destination, I park my bike and walk to a ledge where i sit and eat the rest of my soggy lunch. A group of young kids are playing in a patch of grass and I feel almost Holden Caufield-like as I reminisce about how carefree those days were. This year has been the first one where I have all those cliche adult worries--unemployment, no place to live next year, classes are hard. I keep telling myself everyone stresses, but I feel like I have a pile of bricks on my chest and all I can take are these shallow breaths. After my five hour lab is over, the sun has peeked through the clouds, and the drizzle has stopped. Tomorrow is Friday, and hopefully things will get better.

This One Goes Out To...

me.
I'm Megan. I'm not exactly sure about the purpose of this blog yet, it probably has something to do with the typical reasons that everyone starts one of these things up; not only is it an emotional/creative outlet but it also gives me something to do in my free time.
One of my main interests is music, typically the rock genre, and more specifically ska and punk. I also have always been fascinated by health, including proper diets, exercise and even emotional health. Movies are another thing which I enjoy, some of my favorites being The Life Aquatic, Memento, Full Metal Jacket, The Departed, Non Oncle, and Fargo. There are many more, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.
To go a little more in depth about myself, I have a fear of making other people uncomfortable. I don't even know how to explain this further, but it's a part of who I am.